I am an expert at this – are you?
I have spent years resisting all manner of things in life – even they were things I really wanted, such as the slim, fitter me, clearing debt, getting close to people. Does any of this sound familiar?
Oh, I have learnt the hard way the things that get in my way and I know where it started. Old beliefs and decisions that have contributed to a way of being that was not serving me or my hopes and dreams and I have spent the past 20 years learning what they were, clearing them and yet still finding resistance popping up in my life. Because it is like the Donkey says in Shrek – ‘there are layers’. Built up over the course of our lifetime, reinforced and developed into the rules we live by. And we never really check them out do we? We don’t self analyse what just happened, how a relationship broke down, what our part in it was, because we have not been taught to do it.
You may be surprised to learn, that much of what we have learnt or think we know may not actually be ours. If that is the case, it is not surprising then we are getting in our way, it is possibly faulty programming.
What do I mean?
The phrase “getting in our own way’” seems to have a simple, common-sense, don’t-make-such-a-big-deal-out-of-it approach, and yet what does it really mean? Does it imply simply putting aside who we are? Giving up and seeing what happens? Or something else?
It could mean some, or all of them. What I have learnt, fortunately, are that there are small clues that can help us recognise when it is happening. With a little bit of time and effort, we can search for what it is to understand what is going on and correct it.
How am I Getting in My Own Way?
- Procrastination (Do something that is less important, but potentially more fun!)
- Distraction (Facebook, TV, eating, drinking, ‘researching the ‘internet’)
- Inconsistency (no set times, doing it when you feel like it)
- Closed to suggestions (Any made are met with a ‘no’ or ‘yes, but..’)
- Lack of motivation/Stuck (just can’t get started)
- Loss of focus (foggy thinking around the topic)
- Moods (have to be in the right mood)
- Working HARD at it (working HARD doing the same things and getting the same results)
- Impatience (wanting the results now or sooner)
- Doubting yourself (skills/training/Ability is not enough)
- Overcommitting/ Setting unrealistic goals
- It’s not important
- Expecting the worse to happen so don’t start
Limiting Beliefs Getting in Our Way?
There are, in fact a plethora of reasons that stop people from making the changes they want or getting things done.
These behaviours are usually just the symptom of something much deeper that is wrong. Something you have learnt in your past which has become a decision, about what is you want to do. For example, I have struggled to get any sort of keep fit routine going, as I either injure myself or become ill, and yet as a teenager, I did many sports and activities, something is getting in my way, that is not laziness or no desire to do it.
Just like me, you will be making a decision at an unconscious level that is not serving you in your latest endeavours to change. Check in with yourself may be:-
- It is not something you want, but a friend or family member, and you don’t want to disappoint them?
- Life – there is never enough time to get everything done
- Overwhelm at the enormity of the change
- You are feeling anxious or scared about what you are planning
- You have a critical voice belittling you and your abilities
- There is a limiting belief that is stopping you
- Anger that others can just do it
You may not realise this, but this is your unconscious mind keeping you safe, there where you are. The unconscious mind is that part of the brain that is primarily concerned with keeping you alive and safe
Unfortunately, it was ‘designed’ at a time when we were threatened with warring tribes, scary animals and natural phenomenon that threatened us as humans. Now the scary stuff is more likely to be he boss telling us off, the aggressive driver on the road, doing something new. The unconscious mind does not know where the threat comes from, just that you need protecting. Hence the fact that when you go to make a change it creates a problem for you to avoid it.
At the heart of the matter – some time in your past there was a decision that you took about your life and how it works that is in the way. Here are the 10 most common learnings, known as limiting beliefs, to see which one(s) it might be for you. Be aware that the fact you have more than one, is not a problem, as this is more normal than you think!
|I am not worthy|
|I don’t deserve it|
|I am not important|
|I am not good enough|
|I am stupid|
|I am not loved/ unlovable|
|I am alone|
|I am a failure|
|I am weak|
|I don’t trust myself|
Now you know what it is ask yourself these questions.
Is it true?
How can you absolutely know it’s true?
How do you react—what happens—when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?
Alternatively, if you are ready to clear this belief once and for all, particularly if it is appearing in more than one area of your life, drop me an email to book some time with me – let’s get you moving again!